I hope you’re all having a happy holiday season! Saturnalia, Solstice, Christmas, Festivus…whatever it is you decide to celebrate, I hope it helps your year end on a happy note.
Have you read many good horror novels this year? I have, and one thing I’m working on doing as a thank-you to the authors I love is going on Amazon.com and writing quick reviews of the works I’ve purchased. This takes almost no time at all, and it really does mean a lot to authors, not just as a sales tool but also as assurance that someone out there not only read their book but has an opinion on it. I’ve gotten a few great reviews already, and I’ve heard some nice feedback from people outside of Amazon, and I want to thank you from the bottom of my twisted little heart for the time you’ve given my story.
As mentioned in my previous post, I wrote a Birthday Girl Christmas story to read at signing events this season. That story turned out to be…well….a bit too gross for the anticipated coffee shop audience. So I wrote another story, a much shorter story, one that was just as messed up but also fun rather than bleak. Granted, there were only two events scheduled (and I had to cancel one of them), so some people might say it was a wasted effort to do all this work for just one event. Well, fuck those people up their jolly asses–I had fun doing it and I regret nothing 🙂
However, since a story doesn’t mean a whole lot unless there are people reading it, I want to make this super-short story available to everyone who couldn’t make it to that single event.
So, ribbed for your pleasure, I give you:
“The Magriol Before Christmas.”
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through my town
Families celebrated the day that brought an annual frown.
I never much cared for the commerce and candy,
Others seem to love it, and that’s just fucking dandy.
Just another dull night in the three-sixty-five,
Though the holiday once made me feel so alive.
As I sat remembering past Christmases grimly,
A blood-soaked Santa suddenly slid down my chimney.
Red eyes and sharp teeth and a crown made of horns,
His scarred body smelling decayed and long worn.
He wore a red coat made of many dead faces
Stitched badly together with guts used for laces.
Behind bearded skin cut from Santa’s own cheeks,
His smile stretched widely, and then he did speak,
“Your house isn’t festive, you don’t hang Christmas lights,
No cookies for Santa, and no fir tree in sight.
Although I’m no angel, and I live to cause fright,
Even Ol’ Magriol celebrates this one night.
But you, my dear friend, aren’t enthused for Saint Nick,
On the contrary, it appears you are quite a dick.
But lucky for you, for this one night a year,
My carnage and havoc help to spread Christmas cheer!”
I hurried to flee this Yuletide villain,
For the look in his eyes held intentions of killin’.
But with a stomp of his boot, my toes grew several feet,
And they wrapped ‘round my body and brought me to my knees.
Then down on the floor there came such a clatter,
The bones from my rib cage jumped out in a splatter.
With thin arms and short legs they made angels in gore,
I should’ve gone into shock, but nature held me no more.
I opened my mouth to scream loudly and plea,
But my tongue grew a mouth and laughed wildly at me.
My teeth sprouted sharp teeth of their own, and they ate,
Til my cheeks hung mangled, and then they escaped.
My arms snapped off and I sprouted tree boughs,
And the twin limbs caroled loudly as they pulled out my bowels.
These they did wrap from my waist to my eyes,
While my joints grew red hot and glowed like festive lights.
My teeth and my ribs held hands, and they blathered,
But I saw loving smiles as these strange families gathered.
I watched the whole congregation made from pieces of myself,
While the nightmarish Santa danced like a drunk elf.
The sight was so maddening, worse than holiday cheer,
I swore silently, “I’ll change! Just let me out of here!”
Then the demon’s dance stopped and he smiled wide,
As if he could hear my desperation inside.
He laughed joyously, and with a snap of his fingers,
The room was disappeared of the gross gory figures.
My body was mine again, all parts in their right place,
I touched my gums and found all my teeth still encased.
The sadistic Santa applauded my dumbfounded stare,
And with a “ho-ho-ho!” he tussled my hair.
“I hope I’ve taught you a valuable thing,
And from now until Christmas I’ll hear your heart sing!
Don’t despair the day that makes life slightly bright,
For the people who need a little happy respite.
And as he walked toward the doorway he turned and did yell,
“Keep the spirit of Christmas…or I’ll send you to Hell!”